Little Toosk & Family

Sunny Days

2011-12-22T13:29:00.000-08:00

3.22.2011

Thanking God for...

2011-11-28T20:29:00.000-08:00

{Gifts 361 - 398}

- Tears
- God's goodness to me - over & over again
- Memories of over 4 years at Grace Pregnancy Resource Center
- Jenn Rowland & her ability to empathize & love
- Donna Peak's love for Jesus so readily displayed, wooing me in to love my God more

- Lessons from & on the Holy Spirit's work in His people
- Opportunities to tell women they are made by God and are beautiful
- Babies, little pieces of rice flickering on a screen
- Smiles spontaneously erupting with the sound of a heartbeat
- Women who pray & love & pray & pray outside the abortion clinic, in all kinds of weather

- Being a God who protects the weak, who is just, and who loves the sinner
- "Life more abundantly" through Christ and because of Christ
- The angst, the tears, the joy, and the draining...all of which brought me to my knees again and again
- The privilege of serving, of being in the fight
- Being a God who is always good

- Another Momma-daughter shared birthday (Hooray, Merilee!)
- A clean kitchen - just for Eric ~;-) (!)
- My Ergo
- Children able to help & cheerfully helping
- Hives in new spots each day, preventing craziness from setting in and reminding me of my frailty

- No known cases of squirrels transmitting rabies to humans in the United States
- Drenching rain to water broccoli and lettuce and to loosen the roots of pasture weeds
- Time to discipline calmly and to talk long
- Sore hip flexors
- Worcestershire sauce & pumpkin seeds

- Early morning exercise accomplishments
- Viruses that happen when Daddy is home
- Frozen pizza - saving many a meal
- Heart wickedness revealed - a grace!
- Prolonged snuggle time with Haven

- A little boy's "cool" black eye
- That the one with repeat throw up is the only one who can control where it lands
- Charlotte
- Husband running errands with 3 kiddos (Alone Time!)
- MawMaw's Yahtzee on ones...and the resulting smiles

- A fire going all day
- Cooking beans and banana bread
- Wise husband - remembering names, giving sound counsel

Daily Life

2011-11-28T13:30:00.001-08:00

{Because I want to remember how these days go...}

- 4:58 AM: wake up. Return to sleep only to dream I forgot to plan Christmas Spectacular!
- 5:43: get up
- 6:00: meet Ronda in Bldg #3 for Ripped in 30
- 6:47: get kids up; start breakfast
- Dress the children/diaper change/potty
- Send Elijah to handle the cats and chickens
- Find out the creek rose and cows can't be butchered today
- Start pinto beans in the crockpot
- Fold one load of laundry; start another
- Enter into the birthday party with the babies. ("And PINK cake, Momma!")
- Hide babies under the bed when bad guys attack the party
- Call USAA to ascertain why homeowner's rates have increased
- Clean out ashes; build up fire
- Put on Christmas cd; dance with Jolly
- Wrap and organize a few Christmas presents
- Package a book & cd to mail. Post another dvd on website
- Diaper change
- 9:10: Put Polly Jane down for her nap
- Bible time with Elijah and Haven
- Start 2nd load of laundry
- Play a Christmas carol on the piano; start another Christmas cd
- Work on cleaning my room
- Be the tickle monster
- Read a few pages of Recovering the Lost Tools of Learning: An Approach to Distinctively Christian Education (so helpful, thus far!)
- Shower
- Get Polly Jane up
- Read books on the couch
- Send Elijah out to gather eggs
- Make lunch
- Clean kitchen; kids clean playroom
- Discipline Haven for screaming; discipline Elijah for fighting/having a fit/throwing his horse at me (what?!?!)
- Change diaper/potty
- Read two wonderfully long chapters of The Long Winter while marching in place (super fun naptime read!)
- Add ingredients to cooking beans
- Make coffee
- Read Bible
- Check MoneySavingMom for any hot CyberMonday deals
- Work on Wish List & email to family
- 3:42 PM: Blog post

...now off to get to work! I love this life!

Beach Babe Bonanza

2011-11-22T13:22:00.000-08:00

This was one of the best weekends of the year, no doubt about it! I don't have many pictures of this year's gathering probably because I was too busy talking, laughing, racking up exercise competition points, and generally whooping it up. My college friends came to town!!! Through a turn of events, everyone ended up staying at my house at the last minute. It was so, so, so fun. I LOVE these girls. It did my soul good to be with them again. The only sad part? We were desperately missing Annie & Merilee.~:-(

These girls are all so dear to me. We know each other. Better said, they know me - yucky stuff and all. AND YET, they still love me!
Anne & Polly Jane:

Jenelle with Peter, Lauren's super-chub baby: Jenelle & Polly Jane: (I love this picture!) Michelle with a very happy Jolly: Lauren, Momma to super-chub baby: Mexican dining at its finest~:)
This baby! He is wonderful! Ooooh, and so is she!

Would you like an example of how these girls are so wonderful? When I emailed everyone "I'm in this exercise competition...I'll probably have to exercise a lot over the weekend...Bring any workout you have..." I was met with enthusiastic responses. Things like, "Great! I'll bring my Hip-Hop-Booty-Bop! It's a great workout!" And then they let me march and kick and punch and twist while we all talked. Amazing friends? Yes.
It was especially fun to have Anne & Jenelle in for a prolonged visit. Seeing dear friends with my own children is such a blessing. It seems like you can't really love someone - totally, anyway - until you know their family and see their kitchen. I treasured these few short days with a whole houseful of fabulous friends. And I can't wait until we are all together again!!!
3.19.2011 & 3.21.2011

Eric Turns 30!

2011-11-16T11:32:00.001-08:00

We celebrated Eric's 30'th birthday with a really fun weekend. Some good friends came over Friday night for dinner. Saturday we visited Rock Castle, a place I had been wanting to take Eric. Haven made sure we brought her cup with us.
Elijah pretended to rest in a patch of incredibly dense clover. {Do I look sleep-deprived, or what?} Haven played among the old tombs. (Inappropriate? Yes.) Polly Jane took a nap.We ran. We climbed. We peeked into windows. We threw rocks into the water. We looked at an old fort. We imagined how people had lived in that home. We looked around the (excellent) gift shop.There was even a tiny little hike through the floodplain there. Here, Eric initiates Elijah's current tree-climbing passion.Sweet boys! Sunday night we celebrated with Eric's family.Luke was super pumped.
Happy Birthday wonderful husband! I'm so thankful I get to be a part of your years!
3.12.2011 & 3.13.2011

Breakfast Time

2011-10-27T13:36:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what strange thing was happening in the universe this day. Elijah is wearing his pajamas and both girls are dressed. That NEVER happens. Elijah is a bit obsessed with putting on his clothes the very moment he wakes up. The very moment, I tell you. Every night I hear, "And Mom? You pick my clothes out? Yeah, yeah, you do that, and then you pick my clothes out?"

Hmmm. Maybe this was dinner time?
3.10.2011

Cozy 'Jamas

2011-10-25T13:54:00.000-07:00

3.7.2011

Matthew is Four!

2011-10-25T13:40:00.000-07:00

The Kirby's know how to keep a party going...so we got to celebrate Matthew's birthday a little after this big boy turned four!Matthew is probably the most athletic kid I know. He's been jumping off this thing practically since he could walk. We're hoping he'll be able to teach Elijah a few things~;-)Mason! I love these kids!

A lot.

Praying. Thanking God!

My kids were mostly excited about the juice boxes. ("And THEN I GET A JUICE BOX!?!?!")

Happy times! We are so thankful for our friends!

3.3.2011

Cousins!

2011-10-25T13:19:00.000-07:00

On our way home from Pennsylvania, we stopped to see these wonderful children!
We spent a while at my favorite toy store in the entire world. This even beats the one I really liked in Chicago. All their toys are quality toys - cute, durable, able to teach, promoting imagination. Ah, wonderful! They also have some fun things outside.

This is the cutest baby I have ever seen.

This is why every little girl should wear bloomers.
These pictures make me so happy. I can't stop smiling as I look at them. Miles and Polly Jane are sure to be fast friends!

My sister has done a great job with her super fun playroom. Actually, beyond that, her whole house is an inspiration in organization, cuteness, and functionality.
Here is a shot someone snuck of Bella. She and Haven kept "borrowing" each other's shoes.
Sadly, our wonderful visit came to a crashing halt the next morning. I'll spare you the details, but only because I am not gifted enough to convey the horribleness of the experience. It involved vomit from the three oldest members of the family, over eight hours in the car, lots of praying, and lots of Ziplocs. Wow. It was so terrible, even the memory is hard!

2.26.2011

Parenting

2011-09-30T21:10:00.000-07:00

Excellent, excellent article here about parenting! Totally Excellent!

"Grace is not a facilitator of sins, it is a solution to them. A good parent has two weapons to help them fight sin on behalf of their children. One is law, and one is grace. The point of both is restoration, forgiveness, and joy. If you don’t see those fruits in your home, then you need to reevaluate what you are wielding."

Oh, for godly wisdom in raising these children!

Concluding the Visit

2011-09-12T14:08:00.000-07:00

One more 4:00 dinner with Gigi. Grandma kept trying to pass the children things from her plate~:-)
The Millards. I love this picture. "Elijah, please stop trying to steal the sugar." "Sitting on the table, however, is just fine...as long as you smile." Haven, trying to explain something to us.
Then, Daddy commandeered the rolling chairs. Much excitement ensued. Even tired boys know how to have fun.
Like this! Saying Goodbye. This is so hard; I always wonder "will this be the last time?" Giving Polly Jane a kiss. The bow doesn't give the best clue as to where her face actually is~;-)
Another party with Gigi! Unlike Elijah and Haven, Polly Jane was actually happy to sit in Gigi's lap! I was so glad. A classic Grandma look. The Elizabeths:Presents!The end of a long day, and a very fun week.Jolly, on the floor, refrained by the boppy: Elijah - on a half-folded cot, stuffed into a closet, with no air circulation. Haven, in the pack 'n play, the child who definitely must be confined to sleep.I am so thankful for these pictures of my children with their great-grandparents.
2.25.2011

Thanking God for...

2011-09-12T13:53:00.000-07:00

{Gifts 342 - 360}

- Roasted Vegetables & Spiced Bran Muffins
- BookHouse, the collection!
- "I can help you, Haven."
- Remembering Michelle's sweet friendship on 9/11, 10 years ago

- Memories of travels
- This year's 9/11 - wonderful, non-exotic, birthday celebration with Mammie at Sonic
- A nap! A real, true, wake-up-feeling-rested nap
- Children running, shooting, climbing, squealing
- Haven needing me: "Momma! I want Momma!"

- Jolly's enunciation--Daaaa-deee--in Eric's presence
- Energy to love
- Laura's love for me shown in willingly, joyfully holding my baby
- A world full of wonder, much more than I can ever understand
- Missing my husband

- Two eggs in one day!
- Opportunities to serve the children of our church
- God's grace in giving joy in the midst of my serving
- Friend's gracious forgiveness
- Ish-bosheth & Mephibosheth & "Tell me Momma?"

Hospitality

2011-09-10T18:54:00.000-07:00

No sooner had Abigail, Bella, and Miles hit the road than my dear friend, Lauren, came to visit bringing Geneva and Peter. This was my first time to meet Peter who was, frankly, enormous. Geneva, however, is a little pixie of a girl! She even has a super sweet little pixie voice. This is the only picture of the visit I snagged, but I love it. It kind of represents my friendship with Lauren these days.

Drew threw us a surprisingly spontaneous twist - driving down himself to hang out! It was such a refreshing treat to spend time with this sweet family. Drew tried to teach us a tiny bit about Old Testament foreshadowing before we played Bananagrams for hours. I stayed up way too late and had a huge headache the next day, but it was totally worth it to see our friends.

Thanks for coming guys!

2.24.2011

Grandpa Millard

2011-08-22T11:43:00.000-07:00

Ab, Bella, Miles, and Uncle Al met up with us in Myerstown. We spent much of our time visiting Grandpa Millard.

Uncle Al was forced to hold a baby. It was awkward.
Our big meal in the dining room. My friend had given us her Quiet Book. It pretty much saved the day. (Thanks Laura!)
In the dining room, the food just keeps coming. Haven ended up like this:
Then we were back to see Grandpa. Have you ever tried to corral five children, three and under, in a healthcare center? You should try it; it is certainly an adventure. {"Come here! All of you! Have some quality time with your great-grandfather!"}

" Oooh, let's show Grandpa Millard your special book!"

I love this shot.
This time was sweet chaos. I was so glad to be with Bella and Miles during the visit.

This visit was a stark reminder of how touch, communication, and relationships are vital to one's soul. You can almost immediately tell by looking at one of the residents if they have family members visiting them. Relationships are most definitely hard, but they are so good for us. God made us to learn to love Him. Then He graciously gave us a whole planet full of people on which to practice loving. Grandpa Millard is a sweet source of practice.

2.23.2011

Out of the Mouth of Babes

2011-08-21T17:40:00.000-07:00

L: "Oh, Elijah, soon you will be five! I love you!
{Hugging him} "I don't want you to grow up!"

E: {Returning my hug, burying his slightly damp from the shower hair in my neck}
"I don't want to grow up either!"

{Pause}

"Oh, Mom! If I don't grow up, I won't be able to fight.......to protect you!" {strokes my cheek}

{heart melts}

Roanoke, Virginia

2011-08-18T11:56:00.000-07:00

On our way to Pennsylvania, we meant to stop at Abigail's. Instead, we got our second round of pinkeye. (Have I mentioned how much I dislike pinkeye?) Instead of spreading the love, we stayed in Roanoke. First we stopped at Cracker Barrel.
Haven ate jelly and butter.Eric found a tiny zoo, this great park, and a huge star atop a Roanoke mountain. We had a great time there. Mostly I remember staying in constant motion so I could collect some more exercise minutes~:-) The zoo was great! It was basically empty so we got to explore the whole thing twice. The zoo's setup allows you to get close and personal with the animals. Look at these sweet faces! Momma's tickle attack! Haven: "I do it by myself!" Go, girl. The star. Fun.
Elijah helped me read the sign. See, he brought his glasses. The highlight for our little man was being able to climb up this rock wall all.by.himself. Step aerobics with Polly Jane. She loved it. (What?)We ended our evening getting two cupcakes from this super cute shop. It even had chalkboards hung at kid-level and little riding toys! Right next door we had one of the worst eating experiences of my life. I was in the bathroom with a screaming girl about 4 times, for about 20 minutes each time. Why? Well, Haven was experiencing an incredible poop-phobia. The lights in the bathroom automatically shut off, which did not diminish the fear factor. Elijah spilled my drink on me. I think I finally ended up eating my (delicious) food in the car on the way back home. Don't worry - as soon as we checked into our room, Elijah occupied the potty. Haven began screaming because she also had to poop. Our valiant Daddy was unloading the car, but he had already brought in our travel potty. Disaster averted! Poop phobia slightly diminished! A win-win-win day!
2.21.2011

Siblings

2011-08-18T11:40:00.001-07:00

2.18.2011

Elijah's Castle

2011-08-17T13:50:00.000-07:00

He built the whole thing himself!!!
2.17.2011

Bonnet

2011-08-17T13:47:00.001-07:00

2.16.2011

Best Baby

2011-08-17T13:32:00.000-07:00

I am pretty convinced I have the sweetest baby in the whole world."I love your gams."
2.15.2011

A Hike

2011-08-15T14:09:00.000-07:00

This may be my favorite trail in the Nashville area, the Cumberland River Bicentennial Trail. Oh my goodness, this hike was so enjoyable! We explored this trail as a fun way to get in a few hours for the crazy exercise competition I was doing. This place was certainly worth the drive, particularly because I was using a stroller. I'm looking forward to doing the entire 6.5 miles again - with kids on bikes!Sweet little girl gave me a tiny bit of back-ache by the end.Running, running - lots and lots of running! This used to be a railroad strip. When the railway stopped being used for trains, they paved it. The trail is lovely - flat, smooth, and going through all types of terrain.

Happy Valentine's Day~:-) Near the turn-around point, you get to cross a huge trestle. It was so high and crossed a huge, wide river. It was enough to scare this Momma. "Everyone in the stroller!" In the course of my fast and frightened pace ("What would I do if the children fell in the river??!?!?!"), we lost Polly Jane's bow. On our way back across, this sweet old man biker was waiting for us. He found her bow! I would have stopped to talk, but I was on the trestle! Eeek! We thanked God for the kind man once we were safely across.

"Haven, where did your sandwich go?"
Then we came home and baked something delicious - for Daddy, I'm sure.2.14.2011

Activities

2011-08-15T14:04:00.000-07:00

We love, love, love books. I LOVE that my children will look at books by themselves!

2.11.2011

Snow Again!

2011-08-10T13:12:00.000-07:00

Daddy - the best sledding partner!

This was Elijah's "I'll lick my chapped lips" stage. Thankfully, it was short-lived.

I was in love with this little butt!
Sailor, the huntress:
Our sledding path, looking less steep than it really is.
Jolly!

2.10.2011

Swagbucks

2011-08-09T21:24:00.001-07:00

Perhaps everyone knows about Swagbucks by now; but, for those of you who may not, let me tell you how I bought a lot of our Christmas presents last year.

I downloaded a toolbar called Swagbucks. I use it just like Google for all my internet searching needs. Sometimes these searches earn me Swagbucks. When I get 450 Swagbucks, I redeem them for a $5 Amazon.com gift card. Then, I buy you a Christmas gift.

So, you should try it too. If you sign up using my referral link, I'll earn Swagbucks along with you. If that seems sketch to you, go right to Swagbucks.com and setup your account. Happy Christmas Shopping~:-)

Thanking God for...

2011-08-08T13:01:00.000-07:00

{Gifts #310 - #341}

- HamFam 2011

- Tubing with haven, Reagan, & Bella
- "I swim! ALL BY MYSELF! Look at me!"
- Big boy doing trick jumps with Daddy
- Holding hands - Haven, Momma, Elijah, Daddy - and..."1, 2, 3, JUMP!"
- Cousins and Second Cousins

- Hugs, laughing, and coffee
- Birth stories retold
- Bella - her voice, the Good Ship Lollipop, her ringlets, her!
- Uncle Tom's (inappropriate) Taboo skills
- Watching people love Jesus at a lake house

- Opportunities to instruct
- The secret room downstairs
- Joe's talent
- Uncle Tom's book recommendations
- Time to hold Baby Nora; cuddles and naps with Baby Nora

- Fat, kissable, wonderful cheeks
- Good food all.week.long
- Time with Rebecca, my little Indian~:-)
- Enjoyable cooking
- Opportunities to teach my children - this time at a lake, a dock, a dam, and a gristmill

- "And then Mombo will come to our house FOR A WEEK!...and maybe longer!" ~Elijah
- A tea party with Reagan, Bella, Haven, and Nora
- Good voices, singing
- Awesome examples of godliness, servanthood, and joy from Maggie, Rachel, & Aunt Lisa
- A God who kindly saved this family

- Butt cheeks hanging out of bathing suits
- Encouraging talks
- Compliments on Elijah's behavior, people who notice his behavior, and God's visible working
- A discussion with Lily on college choice, hearing bits of her heart
- A couch piled high with children watching The Incredibles

- The God Who gives sight

Best Friends

2011-07-29T13:49:00.001-07:00

This little girl LOVES her brother, and I am so glad!
2.9.2011

Valentine's Day Prep

2011-07-29T13:44:00.000-07:00

Making heart-shaped biscuits with Grammie.

Haven concentrating on her rolling pin technique.

Uh-oh! Polly Jane wants to know if Jude will ask her to be his Valentine! Look at that smile!

2.8.2011

Friends

2011-07-29T13:41:00.000-07:00

Elder's & Deacon's Meeting
2.5.2011

Grammie's Photo Shoot

2011-07-29T13:39:00.000-07:00

2.5.2011

Bubbleheads

2011-07-25T13:32:00.000-07:00

I love how Elijah is looking at Haven in this picture. They certainly fight a lot, but they also think the other is the most fun person in the world (after Daddy, of course!).
2.4.2011

Nap with Daddy

2011-07-25T13:31:00.000-07:00

2.3.2011

Building

2011-07-25T13:27:00.000-07:00

Our Lincoln Log house!

2.2.2011

Thanking God for...

2011-07-25T12:49:00.000-07:00

{Gifts #265-309}

- Friends - who listen, who talk, who pray

- Coffee
- Laughing children, playing together
- Books & books & books!
- Summer reading programs
- Potential & the Hope of sanctification

- My father's desire to visit & making it happen
- The Holy Spirit's work in exposing my heart
- J.R. Miller's vision of a Christian home
- Hope
- Reading to three mesmerized, cuddly children

- The turtle which stopped by
- Friends visiting
- Rowan in the water hose
- More strawberries!
- Food to cook, errands to do, packages to mail, freinds to see, family to love, books to read

- The Giver of all good gifts
- All 19.8 pounds of snuggly her
- Freedom to worship, freedom to live
- Our neighbors wonderful show of hospitality
- Early morning dishwashing

- An overly kind mother-in0law who brings me donuts and volunteers to iron!
- Quiet time for Polly Jane to get all the rest she needed
- Beautiful flowers, over which I did not labor, blooming in my yard
- The Creator's love of beauty
- A husband who joyfully serves

- Green beans & onions - all from our garden!!!
- Unexpected time with becca Joy!
- Short, fat, smooth fingers touching long, thick, wrinkled, and misshapen ones
- Mr. Rissinger
- Grandpa's diligence to organize all his photo albums years ago

- The grilled cheese of Stoneridge, a meal-saver
- Laughter and the opportunities to say "I like your gams!"
- Unity and the recognition of its fragility
- A variety of personalities - loud, full of gestures, 300% serious, meek - all seeking God's glory
- Watching God heal a marriage

- Piles of green beans
- The call, "Can you meet me for lunch?" and a happy "Yes!"
- Plenty of milk for plenty of baby
- Things for which to look forward - like HamFam!
- Opening my computer to ask for prayer and seeing that my frined has already been praying and working!

- God's gift of friends
- Friends sharing a common goal: God's glory
- A new Flip, finally able to record the children
- Catching up and energy to attempt it

Sweetest Girl

2011-07-07T14:30:00.000-07:00

Downloading pictures in preparation for our big trip and

enjoying a quiet day at home with this wonderful treasure.

...every day that I live I am blessed...

7.7.2011

Fire Trucks

2011-06-24T20:38:00.001-07:00

This day came about after Elijah said, "Momma, is Grammie going to take us to see the fire trucks?"
"No, Elijah, I don't think so."
"But, Momma, she said that sometime we could go there. Yeah! She told me that!"
"Well, you can call her and ask her if you guys can go."

We placed a call to Grammie that morning, I think. Somehow, Grammie whipped together a field trip to the fire station and a bunch of friends by the time Elijah and Haven arrived. Amazing!
Fun friends.
Isn't this the sweetest little boy picture?

Skeptical.
Studying.

1.25.2011

More Snow Fun

2011-06-24T20:29:00.000-07:00

1.11.2011

Daddy's Working Late

2011-06-24T12:38:00.000-07:00

1.6.2011

We Also Roll Like This

2011-06-24T12:35:00.000-07:00

I'm just kind of assuming Haven was clothed later in the day. At least she is being patriotic.
1.4.2011

It's How We Roll

2011-06-24T12:32:00.000-07:00

Table covered in packages? No food to eat? Kitchen a wreck? Can't find the baby?

Just sit down and have a cookie. {Haven, show me a cheerful face...}

Pretty sure we'll be needing this kind of dinner tonight, too~:-)
1.3.2011

Who is this Baby?

2011-06-24T12:31:00.000-07:00

Seriously, what kind of kid has cheeks like that?

New Year's Day

2011-06-24T12:24:00.000-07:00

The new year brought lots of baby action! We got to meet Baby Daniel! Hopefully Polly Jane won't roll over on him. No place to take a nap? We'll just prop you on the couch with blankets. Perfect. Haven is learning to be her own little Momma. She has really enjoyed the baby furniture and dolls she received for Christmas.
1.1.2011

A Smile!

2011-06-24T11:45:00.000-07:00

...Wait, did you see it? That glorious little joy-giver, the smile!
1.25.2011

Some of Our Favorite Friends

2011-06-15T12:19:00.000-07:00

We love you Lily, Julia, & Cara!!!
1.23.2011 & 1.30.2011

The Circus!

2011-06-15T12:10:00.000-07:00

Eric took Elijah to the circus two years ago, when he was just a wee potty-training tot. This year, Haven & I were able to go too. The potty bag was definitely in tow; and, you'll be glad to know, this exciting adventure was also accident-free!

Haven, the anemic child, has a LOT of energy. She stood up most during most of the circus. Not really so she could see better, just so she could jump and clap and move. This is her serious face.
Elijah took his "calculators," a gift of long ago from Grandpa Millard.
"Haven, look at the camera! Haven, look up at the camera with your eyes." Oh.
Love, love, love these two!
1.22.2011

Out of the Mouth...

2011-06-13T20:42:00.000-07:00

Haven, from her bed, once again fighting sleep:

"I'll get up! And see Momma! And see 'Lijah! And see Polly Jane! And I'll be happy! And I'll get up! And see Momma! And see 'Lijah! And see Polly Jane!...."

6.13.11

Thanking God for...

2011-06-13T20:27:00.001-07:00

{Gifts 256 - 264}

- A new niece to love, Nora Elizabeth!
- "I had FUN, Momma!" ~from a bouncing Haven, just after swim lessons
- Sweat glands
- Husband returning chicken's water trough to the coop
- Snorty, little, scrunched-up-nose laughing

- Tents & hiding on my bed
- A date with Eric to the peach tree
- Sharing our first-ever homegrown peach, surely the fruit of heaven
- A tree chopped down, saving us "about $1600"

Arkansas

2011-06-09T05:13:00.000-07:00

Jenelle and I went on a quick road trip to visit our dear friend, Merilee. Highlights of the trip included:
- Extremely long monologues about my life (sorry, Jenelle!)
- Constant conversation throughout the drive
- A Burger King stop (or two?). Who eats there???
- Introducing Polly Jane to wonderful Henry
- More talking time for me
- Nursing Polly Jane all.night.long. "Oh. Are you feeding her again?"
- The ordination service of the Reverend Faris Paxton!
- Eating a delicious lasagna post-church
- Lots and lots of talking time with my friends

To me, it seems like something is missing in our relationship if I have yet to be in your home - or you in mine. Being in the Paxton's home kind of made my love for them more complete. Is anyone else like that? Merilee's house was a mini version of her mother's - absolutely wonderful, and warm, and cute, and inviting all at once. Thanks, dear friends, for a wonderful weekend away!

1.16.2011

Baby Love

2011-06-09T05:08:00.000-07:00

1.13.2011

Everybody Has a Toy

2011-06-09T05:05:00.001-07:00

Personality alert?
1.12.2011

Breakfast then SNOW!

2011-06-06T12:34:00.000-07:00

We had our fair share of snow this year thanks to the global warming crisis. Before we braved the white stuff, we stocked up on protein.Polly Jane admired her siblings eating skills.Haven found it hard to take a break from her beloved meal.
Finally - the snow!Learning to use our new sled was a fun challenge.
Polly Jane was not especially thrilled with being put down in a pile of coldness.
Oh, but the sibling shot was totally worth it, don't you think?
Everyone's favorite part about the snow was eating it~;-)
Sweet baby!
1.10.2011

Sleep Tight

2011-06-06T12:29:00.000-07:00

Reading can really wear a girl out. This chubby girl gets to stay up later than the other children. A girl has to achieve her calorie goals for the day.
Sweet boy sleeps with socks on his hands. This night it was to allow the Eucerin cream to soak in; at other times it is to keep fingers away from his mouth!
1.8.2011

Thanking God for...

2011-06-06T12:16:00.000-07:00

{Gifts 237 - 255}

- Baby laughing, sibling love
- Husbnad: calm when telling bad news
- Septic tank only needing a new float
- Hair loss in the postpartum period, even if it clogs a drain

- Wanting to savor Polly Jane, now 7 months old!
- Two birthday packages and a card waiting for the arrival of Elijah's birthday
- "I had the best time with Matthew!"
- Haven sliding over and over again - all by herself
- A four year old, stars, a blanket, and four years of memories

- "I just saw my baby. How can I kill it?"
- A room full of life-lovers, many from my life-loving church
- Aniyah, Niveah, & Beatrice's soon-to-be-born Sarai: all (living!) testimonies of God's grace
- Shoes & not having to step in poop
- The opportunity to help Beatrice nurse Sarai

- Grapes (new!), kiwi (new!), blueberried, blackberries, raspberries, peaches, and more - all good, sweet gift from a generous God
- Overflowing baskets of clean clothes
- 72 bpm - progress on my current piano song
- A husband willing to act
- Jolly Girl, an absolute delight

Schooling?

2011-05-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to a homeschool curriculum fair. I am totally overwhelmed by what I feel God has called us to undertake in the coming years. I like to think of it as a trial run, similar to what we did with the cow last year and are doing with our small brood of chickens this year. The reality, however, is that the stakes are much higher.

This post by my favorite blogger, Ann Voskamp, I found encouraging/stimulating/daunting/exciting.

Prayers for this scared Momma are appreciated.

Thanking God for...

2011-05-02T06:59:00.000-07:00

{Gifts 210 - 236}

- Completing plyometrics for the last time & recalling all the improvement I've made

- Haven's declarations of "Naked Boy!' concerning herself & Polly Jane
- Hearing Elijah pray with them in the back seat. "Dear God, thank You for my finger..."
- Saturday morning planning session
- Mom's willingness to come live with me for ten days
- Jason's man skills (& willingness to serve!)

- Healthy babies despite polyhydramnios
- Friends working together to get Elijah to a party
- Grace, a baby, a save, a picture, a heartbeat!
- Twins, kept in utero
- Visualizing amnion, yolk sac, umbilical cord in utero

- Cynnamon teaching me that prayers are not wasted, that situation are not hopeless, & that God changes hearts
- Donna's encouraging message - encouraging me in my tasks & encouraging me to encourage
- Mom, Mom!, MOM!
- God's grace in giving Mom energy to care for three children, days on end, with a cheerful heart
- Polly Jane's immediate attachment to Mom; her sideways glances to Mom for affirmation/assurance

- Sleep - sweet, although short
- The ability to learn; Jim - a wonderful teacher
- Four babies saved! "And that makes it all worth it" from a supportive husband.
- Friends hanging out way too late, laughter, and Mississippi Mud
- Little boys rushing in with a worm, a feather, excitement

- "Look Momma! Look!" - a girl anxious to share life with me
- Haven's desire to always include the whole family: "& Lijah & Olly Jane & Daddy & Momma & Lija...."
- Fizzy peachies...coming! Bluebeerry blossoms
- A straight line of new fence posts and a pasture in which to play
- Big beautiful bows

- Little boy trying to do the hand motions

Thanking God for...

2011-04-04T14:29:00.000-07:00

{Gifts #200 - 209}

- Right thigh burning whilst in Warrior One

- Haven exuberantly cheering for Elijah during swim lessons
- Answered prayer - Lucy running up to me the morning of her surgery, Take Two
- Cheerful playing coinciding with a nursing time
- A tiny job to do from home
- That I need not trust in riches (Pr 11:28), for I serve a God Who is worthy of trust (& reliable!)

- Baby laughter - sparse & quiet - so I appreciate it more
- Friends to celebrate Haven's birthday with us
- The reminder (from Charlotte's Web) of how rare & precious good friends are
- "Tea party with me, Momma? Tea yummy!"; Haven's new toy; the joy of playing with her

Out of the Mouths of Babes

2011-04-04T06:20:00.000-07:00

L: "So, what are you guys going to do with Grammie today?"
Elijah: "Throw her on the roof."
L: "What?"
Elijah: "Yay. And we need to throw Grampa up that big, big tree so he can watch for the bad cats."

Eric: "Haven, did you have a fun time at your birthday party?"
H: "NO!....I DID! I did! I DID!"

L: "Haven, did you have a fun time at your birthday party?"
H: "NO!"
L: "Well, what was one of your favorite things at your party?"
H: "PLAY!"
L: "Yeah, that was fun. What else did you like?"
H: "PINK CAKE!!!"

Elijah: "Daddy, why don't you want the cats to have lots of kittens? Kittens are fun!"

Abigail Leanne

2011-04-02T06:28:00.000-07:00

If you are not birth-storied out, read the incredible birth story of my new niece over here. The background of my story, God's goodness in providing me with a doctor who would have delivered a breech baby, will make you appreciate Sweet Abbie's delivery all the more.

My three sisters and I are working hard. Sister #3 is due June 12th. I anticipate another tale of God's goodness!

Fancy Pollys

2011-03-30T14:07:00.000-07:00

Love, love, love these girls!!!!

Two!

2011-03-30T11:53:00.000-07:00

Oh, my little Haven! You are indeed a sweet means of sanctification.

We love you!!!

Thanking God for...

2011-03-28T12:20:00.000-07:00

{Gifts #162 - 199}
- Washing machine, dryer, dishwasher, hands
- Frying pans and crisp bread and breakfast
- Cat greetings under a full moon
- That my own arm did not save me, but Your right hand and Your arm, and the light of Your face, for He delighted in me - wonder! Psalm 44:3

- Long talks with Mom; Verizon to Verizon minutes
- Honesty amongst friends
- 30 years of Eric
- Different bottles to try
- Opportunities to cook and buy food for others

- A donated medical bed for the Pregnancy Center - brand new!
- Answered prayers in the form of a Nurse Manager (Maria!!!)
- Dad's immediate generosity (re: Elijah's request for a new gun)
- A little girl to learn to love & God's help to do so
- Tears

- A husband's encouragement
- Friends to hold my girl & play with my boy (Jenelle! Seth!)
- An opportunity to speed clean the house
- Daffodils - bright, yellow, & full of cheer
- Running, legs & lungs that work

- Airplanes bringing friends and joy
- Quiet hours, long morning talks with coffee (Oh! What a treat!)
- Hives arriving when I had two in-house babysitters
- Benadryl overdose while other adults were present
- Anne & Jenelle's willingness to watch my children

- Polly Jane in a yellow hat
- Access to the God who Heals
- The hope of heaven - where sin, death, & disease no longer have dominion
- Our new family practitioner who is ok with homebirth, has two adopted children, prays, and will give me steroids
- A precious girl, six months old today

- Pizza crust, the first food of all my children
- Goals and their ability to motivate and organize me
- "Finished! the victory cry"
- 86 years of PawPaw
- Love amongst family and the comfortable familiarity of Hobgood Road

- Time with James and his kindness to Elijah
- A date with Aunt Donna
- Bananagrams with Uncles & an Aunt; Yahtzee with MawMaw & PawPaw
- Thanks from visiting friends encouraging me to love more

A Birth Story: Polly Jane - Part Six

2011-03-23T11:27:00.001-07:00

{Part Five and links to the previous posts can be read here.}

Elijah & Haven went to Grammie & Grampa's for the night. We gave them lots of kisses and repeated "New Baby is coming in the morning!!!!" All of us were excited. Eric and I cleaned the house. That probably involved mostly Eric cleaning and me waddling around.

I could not sleep that night. The baby was moving like crazy. I kept thinking, "I am so anxious; I cannot even sleep! This is not good. I'll be a basketcase for the delivery. I have to sleep!" 3:30 AM finally came. We got out of bed to get ready for the big day. I shaved my legs, like all good post-term pregnant women do before they go into the hospital. While I lay in the bathtub, I did some cursory Leopold's on myself. "That is a head!" I thought, confirming what I had felt in my half-asleep state in the bed. "I'm probably just making it up" I thought. I did say something to Eric, though. (Do you remember, Eric? Like "I think the baby might have flipped." or something?)

We got to the hospital and I was fairly persistent about wanting a few belly shots before we went inside. Eric obliged.

I, apparently, tried to pose like a model in the hospital parking lot.

As we walked through Labor and Delivery, I heard the beeping of many monitors. I saw women laying quietly flat on their backs, waiting to have their babies. Family members were dosing by the bedside or eating their own snacks. I started to feel a little sick to my stomach. For the first time I thought, "Oh, yeah. This is why I wanted to have a homebirth." With this pregnancy I had not really thought through the pros and cons of delivery methods. I did that with Haven; I had no need to rehash the decision. (Not to mention, I was burdened with other thoughts at the time.) Walking down that hallway made me suddenly realize how different this would be from Haven's birth, and how similar it might be to Elijah's birth. I thought, "Well. If we ever have another baby, I'll remember this feeling and know that I want to have my baby at home."

We got checked in. My nurse smelled of nicotine. Dr. Trabue came in. "How's that baby this morning?" "Head down," I replied. "Really? Well let's take a look." A quick ultrasound revealed that this baby had flipped. Turned. Of her own volition, without any voodoo methods, less than twelve hours before she would be forced to come.

"Well, do you want to go home?" Dr. Trabue asked. I just stared at him. This - this turning at 40 and 3 - was not an option I had considered. "You aren't a prisoner here, you know. You can do whatever you want." I just stared at him some more.

This is the point at which I wonder "what if....". What if I had just waited to see if my baby would flip unassisted? What if I had trusted my own assessment and had Susie come to the house that morning? Would she have flipped back to breech position? What if....

Eric, rational thinking man that he is, graciously reminded me of the plan. I remember feeling so overwhelmed and numb, knowing that there was no way I could think through more options and make a good decision. I was a little stuck on "My baby isn't breech anymore!"

We stayed in the hospital and began an induction. Everyone induces differently; the first step in my induction was to break my water. With all my fluid, we were praying that my cord would not prolapse (come out before the baby). As long as the baby floated right on top of my cervix before the cord floated down there, this should be a fairly routine induction.

The nurse and I weren't exactly bonding. I didn't really want to bond with her, truthfully. She just served as a constant reminder of things I don't like about childbirth. I kept reminding myself that it wasn't her fault, but I'm sure I was also giving her irritated looks all morning. Irritation was not what I was feeling; I was mostly sad. Sad I hadn't embraced this pregnancy. Sad that God kept being SO NICE to me even though my attitude had been so terrible. Sad that my baby would be born under much intervention. Sad that only now was I really starting to feel for my baby.

We prepped for rupturing my membranes. "You might want to put a few more chucks pads under me. I really have a lot of fluid." I suggested to the nurse. She was clearly irritated. "I already have a chucks pad and a towel down there." "OK." I thought. I smiled and kind of laughed to myself. I'm sure she was irritated at my suggestion, but she should have appreciated the warning. My water was broken despite a closed, thick, and high cervix. I have no idea how he was able to do that. I almost backed myself completely off the bed.

Amniotic fluid slowly poured out. The first gush was manageable. The next gush went all over the bed, up my back, and started dripping onto the floor. Every three minutes or so after that I had to say, "I'm sorry. I'm going to need another chucks pad." It was really a ridiculous amount of fluid. The nurse just pursed her lips and kept changing the bed. I refused the urge to remind her of my warning. After about twenty minutes or so, I looked down at my belly. "Eric! Look at this! It looks like I already had the baby! I mean, look at how small my belly is! Can you believe it?"

Susie had arrived sometime before the rupture occurred. I wasn't sure if she was going to be there or not, but I was so thankful for her presence.

Pitocin started. Contractions started. I was quite emotional, not due to pain - just due to...everything I've written about in these last five posts. I was overwhelmed. The tears were good. The contractions were good. I breathed through them just fine. They hurt, but I felt totally in control. The nurse was eager to up my pitocin at least every 20 minutes so things moved along fairly quickly. I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes when the nurse came in again. That was when I got irritated. Unfortunately she left the room before I could address her behavior. My contractions are completely adequate! You do not need to keep increasing my pitocin! At least give me a chance to progress at this dosage, you jerk! I was so mad.

Ever since midwifery school, I have always said, "If I ever have to get pitocin, I will get an epidural." Going into this induction I just knew I would get an epidural. That had been my mantra; no need to rethink it now. I asked Susie when she thought I should get my epidural. She started talking to me about how I was doing awesome and might not need one. Eric wasn't saying anything, as if he didn't know that I was planning on having an epidural.

"I feel like there is some kind of expectation in this room that I am not going to get an epidural. I do not have that expectation of myself. I am not trying to go unmedicated. I will not be disappointed in myself. I have pitocin. An epidural is what you do when you get pitocin." After that little speech, everyone seemed to understand. ~;-)

My epidural with Elijah had been super horrible. As in, it didn't work plus it left me with a spinal headache. I was a little nervous about this 2nd try. Susie advised I get the epidural while I was still totally in control (save emotionally), so that I could better assist the anesthesiologist. I agreed. We made sure that the anesthesiologist was, in fact, a doctor and not a student.

The epidural was started after much reassurance. Then..."Hmmm. What's this? It isn't flushing. I'm going to have to..." You have got to be kidding me. Seriously? My epidural has a problem. "Wow. You must really just have the worst luck. I can't believe this is happening to you." Well, I could believe it. Eventually all that got worked out and I kept laboring.

Laboring? Really? I didn't feel anything. I just felt tired. I wanted to take a nap, but I felt that certainly that was an inappropriate thing to do when delivery is imminent. The nurse kept me on my back, but was only slightly annoyed when I would switch from side to side. I think she must have just been releaved I got an epidural.

Eric, Susie, and I chatted. It was a fun time. I mostly listened. Suddenly, "Ummm. Wow. I am really about to poop or this baby is coming." I was so shocked at how much it felt like I was about to poop. I've told that to lots of people, "Call me if it feels like you are about to poop.", and I've heard lots of people say it, but oh.my.goodness. That is exactly what it feels like. Susie said, "Oh. OK. Well, let's just see what happens with the next contraction." Sage advice. I wish we had done that through a few more contractions.

"Nope. Baby is definitely coming. Can you guys check down there? I mean, something is really coming out." It was such a weird sensation. There was no pain. I could not figure out what to do with the feelings. Haven's delivery had been so intense, so painful. Now I was just hyper-aware of all kinds of sensations.

We buzzed for the nurse. She didn't come so Susie gloved up. Suddenly, I had this overwhelming desire to have Susie catch my baby. I was hoping they would all stay chatting at the front desk and let my child come into the world quietly. It almost happened that way.

The nurse ran in, controlled yet frantic. The room filled. Dr. Trabue rushed in, glanced at the monitor, and said "How long has this been going on?" Eric tried to tell him something. The baby's heart rate looked a little off. Everyone was freaking out. I was just kept trying to figure out what was going on. "My baby is coming out, so certainly they can't be freaking out about the heart rate. The heart rate always looks crappy right at the end. So, what are they talking about?"

All the sudden huge hands were all up in my business. A baby was pulled out of me. I didn't do anything. I didn't feel anything. I was holding my baby.

"What did we have?" "A girl!" Eric said. "What?" I replied, distressingly confused. "A girl." I looked at Susie on the other side of the bed. "What?" "It's true. I saw it too. I can't believe it either." We had a little girl. A what? I could not believe it. (And, I didn't really believe it for several weeks. I kept thinking of her as a little boy. If she was ever wearing a yellow outfit, I would even refer to her as "he." It became a necessity for me to keep a bow on her little head.)

Polly Jane Graves was born September 28th, 2010, at 2:13 PM. She weighed in at a whopping 8 pounds and 11 ounces. She was 20 3/4 inches tall.

God is good. (Have you heard His steadfast love, faithfulness, and sustaining grace in this story?) I loved my little Polly Jane right away. There didn't really seem to be a transition period - either in the hospital or at home. She just fit. She just was. And she was wonderful. Won.der.ful. I was amazed at how much God enabled me to love her. I cannot tell you how many times I have prayed "God, thank you for giving me a gift for which I did not ask. Thank you for blessing me!"

That night we announced Polly Jane's birth via facebook and this blog.

That, my friends, is the end of this birth story. It started with warring, struggle, and anguish. It ended with rejoicing, thanksgiving, and a little girl. I can shout Psalm 92:4

"For You, O Lord, have made me glad by your work.
At the works of Your hands, I sing for joy."

My Superstar midwife, Susie:

A Birth Story: Polly Jane - Part Five

2011-03-23T10:55:00.001-07:00

{Your can read Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four to catch up on the saga.}

Monday morning I showered early. I continued to debate about whether to call Dr. Trabue or not. My midwife had not recommended I call him; should I check with her first? There were two doctors who *may* agree to try the version. Would Dr. Trabue just think I was stupid? What should I say?

I called as soon as the office opened.
"Can I get an appointment with Dr. Trabue?"
"Are you a patient?
{Pause. Pause.} "Not exactly."
"Oh. Are you one of Susie Meeks' patients?"
{Stunned.} "Yes."
"Alright, we have an opening at 1115."
"What?!?!?! Oh, ok! Yes, that will be great!"

God did not give me a total sense of piece or take away all my anxiety. God did give me a few sentences to say. I am not sure if I have ever composed a speech so exactly in my head. I ran over it and over it and over it again.

Eric was meeting me at the hospital for this appointment. Our conversation, as we both drove there, went something like this:
L: "I feel a little bit stupid about going in. I heard his insurance has changed and he can't do breech deliveries anymore. The worst he can say is "No" though, right? I would hate to have a c-section and always think "I wonder what would have happened if I had just asked."
E: "Yeah. I feel like there is no way he can say yes."

I was glad we were going, but I was nervous. I really respect Dr. Trabue; he is the doctor to whom I refer all my friends who opt for physician care. What would he say?

We got into his office. I sat on the edge of the chair, nervous, and not wanting to appear larger than my overdue self already was. He came in & shook our hands. It was go time. I had about 25 seconds to convince him.

"While I was in midwifery school at Vanderbilt a few years ago, you delivered my friend, Janice Prieskorn's, breech baby. I was there for that delivery. And, now, I have a breech baby. {take breath.} Is there any way you will deliver our baby?"

The indefinite pause happened. I stared at him. Then..."Yes, I'll do it assuming we can get a few tests done that show everything will be ok."

WHAT?!?!?!? This may not seem like a big deal to many of you in other locations, but NO ONE in middle Tennessee delivers breech babies. Everyone is scared. Everyone freaks out if your baby is breech. No one wants to let anything natural happen at this point. This man had just said yes! I had been praying and praying and praying that God would turn his heart to us. "You turn the heart of Kings where you will; certainly, God, you can give us favor with this doctor. Please give us favor in his eyes!"

My brain had to switch into planning mode. I was so sure I was going to be shot down; I hadn't thought through all that "yes!" might mean. We discussed my previous (large) deliveries and my (very) adequate pelvis. I agreed to have CT pelvimetry done. Dr. Trabue explained the plan and emphasized that he was in charge. I gave my grateful acknowledgement, assuring him we were fine (and happy) about the arrangement.

When we had the breech delivery plan all lined up, I said "Would you like to try to do a version?" As his face crinkled to say no, I quickly interjected "I have got a TON of fluid" and handed him my ultrasound report. His response? "Wow. That is a lot of fluid. I never do versions on post-date women because they usually don't work. They don't work because your fluid level decreases at term. But {adjusts glasses}, you really have a lot of fluid."

We scheduled a 5 AM check in time for the next morning. The plan was to attempt a version. If it succeeded, I would go for immediate induction. If it failed, I would head for immediate c-section. I felt like a million (large) bucks when we left the hospital. I could not believe God had been so kind to me! I was totally overwhelmed that God would choose to answer my prayers. I now had a chance at a vaginal birth - and with my very favorite OB in all of Nashville!

I called Susie on the way there. She was shocked that Dr. Trabue had agreed to take my case. He had turned down another client of hers earlier that summer - a client who had a way more favorable prognosis for a successful breech delivery. It was just another little whisper of how God was caring for me and giving me far above what I could have asked or imagined.

Eric and I headed to Arnold's for lunch. The whole time I am sure I said "I can't believe it! I can't believe it!"

A Birth Story: Polly Jane - Part Four

2011-03-15T09:36:00.000-07:00

That weekend was a whirlwind. There were so many options, I felt I couldn't think straight. Homebirth? Version? Deliver breech? If I went into labor over the weekend my only option was to go into the ER in labor. That was going to be great. "Hi. I'm overdue. I have a breech baby. I was planning a homebirth... Oh, and I'm a CNM." That was going to be a great introduction, insuring me of lots of fabulous medical care and an immediate c-section. When someone walks into L&D like that you just kind of think to yourself, "Oh, one of those people. Of COURSE this is not going to work out for them."

I prayed a lot. I asked God to hold off labor until Monday when I at least had a chance of convincing someone to try to turn the baby. I asked God to give me favor in the eyes of the doctors I would see on Monday. I asked God to turn this last doctor's heart towards me, the one with whom I did not even have an appointment yet.

Life kept going because children aren't as affected by drama. We played.

We gathered some of the last of summer's produce.

The kids watched a movie while I floated around in the bathtub and hung upside down from the weight bench. (Note: It is hard to breathe while upside down with gallons of fluid and a swollen uterus and a fat-cheeked child compressing your lungs.)

Elijah and Eric built a fort in the creekbed. Somehow, in the midst of my circular thinking, fears, and prayers, Eric built a fort in the playroom. In case you have yet to see God's mercies in this story, think on this fort. I did not go insane while this was wrecking the playroom at my 40 and 2 week gestation.
Eric was the only rational thinker in the house that weekend. He helped me define our goals:
1. A healthy baby.
2. Avoid a c-section.
Ah, clarity. Now that I knew what I was shooting for, I could think through things a little better.

At this point, I knew a homebirth was no longer an option. I had such a ridiculous amount of fluid. Even if this baby turned into a vertex position, the baby could flip again before I delivered. Elijah was ten days late; Haven was five days late. The baby would probably have time to do a few more flips before labor commenced. Now I also realized that she had been flipping all along. That is why I would feel her breech some days and vertex some days. Susie just happened to always come on the vertex days. Given this pattern - repeated flipping at term! Who does that? - we formed our plan. I was sad about not being able to have a homebirth until Eric nailed down the goals for me. At that point, the place of birth became a glaring non-essential compared to the mode of birth.

If this doctor would deliver me breech, we would shoot for that. If I couldn't find anyone to deliver breech, we would try to find someone to do a version. If the version failed, I would have a c-section. If the version was successful, I would head for immediate induction. If the version worked, I did not want to give the baby any chance of flipping back around.

We spent the weekend playing, praying, having the same conversation a million times, and rearranging our room. Eric took Monday off. The children were set to spend the day with Grammie and Grampa. My Mom would drive up Monday morning.

We waited.

A Birth Story: Polly Jane - Part Three

2011-03-14T11:43:00.001-07:00

{You can read Part One of the story here and Part Two here.}

God gave me a precious few weeks to bond with this baby growing inside me. From the very start I was convinced this child was a boy. My pregnancy had been exactly the same as Elijah's - minimal nausea, no major physical problems, and an incredible case of polyhydramnios. I was huge. Seriously, look at how far my belly is jutting out in this picture! How did that happen?!?! Throughout the pregnancy, I would periodically attempt Leopold's on myself, just wanting to know where the baby was. Several times I thought, "Uh-oh. This baby is breech." Then I would make myself forget about it. As noted in the previous posts, I was not really able to give much thought to the baby anyway, so this was not difficult. I would just tell myself, "Well, I'm going to pretend I don't know. Maybe I have lost that skill and don't know what I'm feeling anymore. I'll just let Susie (my midwife) discover it - if it is true."

After loving Haven's birth, we were again planning a homebirth. I had everything ready, but I had not really psyched myself up for birth. I could barely think about being pregnant, much less about the drama of labor. I kept thinking something just was not going to be right, but hoping I was wrong.

Susie came for a prenatal visit when I was 39 and 6, just a day shy of my due date. Everything looked great - blood pressure, weight, swelling. I lay down on the floor. Measurement - great. Heartbeat - great. Leopold's - pause, pause. "Lydia...", a look of sadness and concern crossed Susie's face. I knew. "The baby is breech?" "Yes." Still feeling my belly. "This baby has turned! Yes, he is definitely breech. Oh, Lydia!"

I just lay there. I wasn't really upset. I definitely wasn't surprised. "OK. So what is the plan?" I did not really have any emotions about this discovery.

My emotional response to this pregnancy had scared me for so many reasons. I wanted to love my baby right away. I wanted to rejoice over this child. I was fighting for that. In the midst of this fight, I could not help but wonder if God was going to allow the baby to die or have some problem because of my own selfishness. God does not work that way. He is merciful and gracious; He loves with a steadfast (not hormone-related) love. I know that. I knew that. Yet, the fear still kind of lingered in the back of my mind. I did not deserve to have another child, and then I scoffed at the gift God gave me. Why shouldn't I be punished?

My focus now was merely getting this child here safely. What could I do? I ran in to see my chiropractor at 9:00 AM Friday morning. I did all kinds of old wives' tail-type tricks to get my baby to flip. Diving to the bottom of the pool, massaging your pinky toe, lying upside down on the weight bench with a pack of ice on your baby's head. I was willing to try anything to get this baby to flip.

The ultrasound at 10:00 AM confirmed a little footling breech with really large cheeks. The ultrasonographer went ahead and did a biophysical profile even though it had not been ordered. "That is what the doctors will want to see." My polyhydramnios was in full swing. None of the normal "your fluid level decreases when you are term." Oh no. My AFI level was 29 cm, greater than the 95th percentile. God was showing Himself sovereign. Being huge for nine months, carrying around a few extra gallons of fluid, was about to be totally worth the effort.

Eric and I now had to decide what to do. Homebirth was no longer an option. This baby was not flipping with all my voodoo methods. It was Friday. It was my due date. No one could see me until Monday, at which point I would be overdue and breech - a scenario which frightens most obstetricians. I could see a c-section quickly approaching.

We scheduled appointments for Monday with two different doctors. Susie had known both of them to attempt versions on her clients in the past. The first doctor, if he agreed to try a version, may let me go home to deliver if the version was successful. The second doctor, if he agreed to try a version, would begin induction immediately if the version was successful. If the version wasn't successful, I would have a c-section.

There was just one doctor in all of middle Tennessee that I knew would deliver a breech baby. I just happened to have been there when he delivered my friend's breech baby. He had recently turned down another couple's request for a breech delivery. I decided to just call and ask for an appointment. His office was closed on Friday.

We had a whole weekend of waiting and voodoo attempts to endure.

A Birth Story: Polly Jane - Part Two

2011-03-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

{You can read Part One of Polly Jane's Story here.}

Five weeks before my due date, God gave a jumpstart of grace. I was reading Genesis 29. I wrote in my journal,

"There is no one with whom I can discuss these traitorous feelings, feelings which haunt me on an almost daily basis. I tried with Eric once. His comments, I feel, served to sever most bonds of trust and friendship between us. It was such a big deal for me to even verbalize these wicked thoughts. To have Eric just blow them off as stupid was...terrible. This has been my biggest struggle these past eight months - and it has been a HUGE struggle, second perhaps only to my despair prior to conversion. My inability to communicate with Eric about it has really driven a wedge between us. Now I feel like our marriage is almost in a hopeless state of despair and apathy. A crappy marriage makes for a bad pregnancy, at least in my case.

AND YET:
- Children are a blessing from God.
- God has given THIS child to ME at THIS time in my life. God does not make mistakes or have timing which is off.
- My ability to love and mother New Baby is not to be a reflection of my relationship with Eric, my own abilities, or how emotionally stable I feel. My ability to love New Baby must instead be in response to God's love for me.
- God loves me! God has promised to sanctify me. God has promised to never leave me or forsake me. God has promised to give me the Holy Spirit in abundance.

SO:
'This time I will praise the Lord.'
God, please supply the grace I need to do so!"

Oh my! If I had words to tell you of how He did! God opened my mouth so that I could talk. (That sounds stupid unless...well, unless you know me as only Eric does.) I talked! We cried. We confessed. We apologized. Eric comforted. Eric loved. Eric asked. I made myself - gut-wrenching though it was - tell him things. I talked! God gave grace. Eric was gracious.

"Lydia, I love you. I don't hate you or think differently about you because you haven't been able to love the baby." What? Grace amazing!

I was pregnant! We were going to have a baby! We talked! God was healing our marriage. And now we had names for the baby.

{Part Three coming soon...}

A Birth Story: Polly Jane - Part One

2011-03-10T21:13:00.000-08:00

Psalm 92:4

For you, O Lord, have made me glad by your work;

at the works of your hands I sing for joy.

If you have seen me sometime over these last (almost!) six months, you have probably met Polly Jane. I have probably turned so you could see her sweet face. I have probably told you how wonderful she is. ("She is WONderful!") I may have kissed her in front of you. I may have even told you how amazingly squishy her plump cheeks are, and how I love to kiss them. Polly Jane has probably been wearing a cute bow, tights, and a darling little dress. You, too, have probably thought she is wonderful.

I probably did not tell you how carrying her inside me was the hardest thing that ever happened. I did not mention that the nine month gestation grew one child's flesh together and separated what is to be one flesh. I did not tell you that I could not name this child until her birth was imminent. I did not tell you that I felt little joy at her squirms and kicks. I did not tell you how I cried in the dark and alone, feeling like a terrible mother. I was. I am.

So, this birth story must be told two ways. First, I must tell you about the gestation, the forming, the warring inside me. Then, I can tell you of the delivery, the absence of warring, and the holding. Both stories scream of God's goodness.

Just a few years ago, I worried that I would never get pregnant. I pleaded with God for a child. This gift he gave - Elijah! I wondered if pregnancy and childbirth would heal me. Would things be normal now? Could I have another baby? Or was Elijah just a miraculous fluke? All my other friends got their periods. I waited for mine. I weaned Elijah at one year old. I waited. I grew fearful. I pleaded again with God for another child. Would He, the one who opens wombs, give me another most-valuable gift? God heard my prayers and gave me Haven. Loud, exuberant, a bit tireless. I was tired.

I did not pray for another baby. Certainly I wanted another, but I wasn't to the point of asking God for that yet. And God should wait until I let Him know my timetable, no?

We were looking for a new house on a strict deadline. I was anxious. I was flustered (how can you make such a huge decision?). I was pregnant. I wasn't ready. I was tired. I was not a good Mom. Things were not under control - in the home, in my body, in my children's hearts. I refused to take a pregnancy test. I didn't acknowledge the life inside me.

My friend called, crying. She was pregnant with her 3rd. Unexpected. I cried with her. I said nothing. We moved. I moved boxes, cleaned like crazy, held my belly in. I cried. "God, there is no way I can do this! I'm so bad at this already!"

The worst part was not being excited. What kind of mother finds out about her baby and doesn't care? Doesn't glow? Doesn't shout her joy aloud?

I listened to other Moms tell me why they must have an abortion. I couldn't exclaim with joy to them that I had a tiny baby in my belly too. I couldn't convey wonder and awe to them...because I did not have it. My counsel was personal. ("Yes, your life will be totally disrupted. Yes, it will be super-duper hard. I'm in this with you! I have to do this too! I am hunting for the joy in this as well!") I (finally!) saw myself as not unlike these mothers. Abortion was not an option for me, but it might as well have been. My child grew, but my love for this baby did not.

When I finally told of this 3rd child's presence, Eric's reaction was perfectly wonderful - excitement. My short, faltering attempt to convey to him that this was hard for me failed. "Well, don't you love Haven? I mean, don't you think you'll love the new baby?" No, Eric, that isn't it. No...I don't already love the baby. Can't you see that I am of the wickedest sort? The kind of mother who can't bond with her child? What kind of person am I?

I shut down. I did not communicate with him any more. His one unintended cutting remark had thrown up iron bars around my heart and my mouth. We talked. We went on an anniversary trip. We discussed where the baby would sleep and other planning-type details. We did not discuss my heart. My hard, hard heart. Our relationship felt like that between businessmen - cordial, short, just enough to make things run smoothly.

Elijah, Haven, and I talked about the baby. We prayed that we would love the baby. Elijah and Haven were asking God to make them kind and gentle with the baby. I was asking for love.

{Part two coming tomorrow...}

Miles Boaz

2011-03-04T13:23:00.000-08:00

Read the birth story of my sweet little nephew, Miles Boaz, on my sister's blog.

And stay tuned for my own birth story in (hopefully) just a few days!

Thanking God for...

2011-02-28T19:11:00.000-08:00

{Gifts 123-161}

- {Slightly} different numbers on the scale!
- Jump Knee Tucks - to the glory of God
- A God who heals, even healing hearts

- Eric's grocery store run, saving me a trip
- Sunshine, 65 degrees, and a cool breeze
- Finding my cell phone at the end of the driveway
- Cozy pajamas
- Big girl's crazy curls and protruding belly

- Bread's aroma filling the house
- Shorts! and balmy walking weather
- A throat's prompting to use fewer words
- Contacts, glasses
- Bella's fever, preventing me from spreading my germs

- A huge glass of water right beside my bed when I awoke
- A complete stranger rescuing Eric's phone from the Walmart parking lot
- Liquid antibiotics
- A bed
- Free antibiotic samples from our pediatrician

- The smell of fertilized farmland, Pennsylvania's perfume
- Grilled sticky buns from Kum Esse
- Breakfast with Ab and the babies
- Black shoes bouncing great-grandchildren
- The link and other places to run

- The balcony and other places to jump (and cool off)
- Overalled husband driving
- The constant stream of food at a five couse dinner keeping Haven entertained and satisfied
- The quiet book
- Wrinkled beauty everywhere

- Christ's redemption of one man being worth more than two thousand pigs (Mark 5)
- Gloria - the pest - reminding me that all people have souls
- A long afternoon chat with Uncle Al
- Birch beer, Lebanon bologna, and Cooper Sharp
- Pixie-beautiful Geneva running with Elijah and Haven

- Drew's spontaneity, learning more about the 2nd Exodus, bonus hours with Lauren
- "Oh, like a doop?"
- No longer having to go through the cleansing rituals post-sickness described in Leviticus 15
- A husband with whom I LOVE spending time
- Home, at long last

- In-laws who work hard to give us good gifts - food in the fridge, a clean house, and more! - and, in the doing, show us Christ

Thanking God for...

2011-02-14T14:25:00.000-08:00

{Gifts 104 - 122}
- Money back from BCBS; a start to our Total Money Makeover
- Fat white snowflakes
- Haven's shoes found at half-price
- Plans of a little man - endless planning
- Bare spots of clean floor
- Brief minutes of joyful sibling play
- Rhythmic breathing on my neck from a fuzzy-headed baby
- S.W.A.T. hat on a beautiful boy's head, just above his backwards orange shirt
- God's grace in following up terrible days with good ones
- A shower - long, hot, and all by myself
- Clean diapers, dry underwear, dirty clothes
- Mud squishing up the side of my tennis shoes
- Ridgetop Trail at Beaman Park
- Not having to push the stroller PLUS having some adult conversation on the hike
- Christ, through whom I HAVE RECEIVED GRACE
- Being loved by God (!)
- The best Valentine, Valentine's Day #8 with Eric
- Stranger rescuing Polly Jane's red bow from the trestle. "That was so, so kind. We though it was lost forever." ~ Elijah
- God's grace in allowing my heart to love

2011-02-12T12:16:00.000-08:00

Last year I was able to go to Washington with my grandfather, a World War II veteran. This past Thursday he received the Legion of Honor, France's highest medal, in recognition of his work in liberating France.

WWII Vets Get France's Highest Honor in Atlanta: MyFoxATLANTA.com

{PawPaw is the one on the right, hand over heart, just at the start of the video.}
We are so thankful to PawPaw - and all other military servicemen - for their sacrifices for our freedom.

The Plan

2011-02-10T14:47:00.000-08:00

Elijah: "Mom, I've got a good idea. Haven and I will be on a team, and we will work together. You can be in charge, and tell us what to do! Do you like that plan, Momma?"

Lydia: "Elijah! That is the best plan I have EVER heard!"

Dentist

2011-02-09T13:48:00.001-08:00

Today:

- Haven's first visit to the dentist
"Haven, I'm Pam! Can I brush your teeth?"
H: "No!" {backs into my leg. won't move forward.} "All done! All done!"

- Elijah's third visit to the dentist
Lydia: "Elijah, why were you upset at the end?"
Elijah: "When she was putting that stuff on my teeth, my leg really hurt. It felt like it was going to die!"

- Polly Jane's first time to be cared for by complete strangers, the extra dental staff. {Hope she didn't spit-up on you guys! If she did, thanks for not telling me.}

The dental staff members at Children's Dentistry were awesome. They cleaned Haven's teeth with her sitting on my lap. They cheerfully coached Elijah through his leg pain, and they played with Polly Jane throughout our entire visit. Plus, they give my children their own bag of treats, which was certainly the highlight of the day.

In grammar news, Haven said (perhaps) her first four word sentence. "I dropped it...again." This was in reference to dropping her newly-acquired slinky. When I went to check on why she was crying in her bed during naptime, she said "Hold me, Momma." It was so sad; she has moved past saying "Hold you. Hold you." She has also replaced "Welcome!" with "Thank You!" when she is trying to thank someone. Aaaagh, but soon she may also move past having a meltdown when you must put her food in the microwave or toaster.

Elijah is up now, making Polly Jane laugh hysterically. He calls her "Baby Girl" when he plays with her. She LOVES it. Haven's scream of "OLLY JANE!!!!" is not quite as pleasant to her as Elijah's rambunctious play.

Thanking God for...

2011-02-07T12:45:00.000-08:00

{Gifts 89 - 101}

- Grace words to encourage a friend
- Encouragement in being used in this fashion
- Boy's toothpaste handprint on the bathroom mirror
- A date with my husband
- Eleven accidental hours of sleep
- Poo-poo on the potty!!!
- Sycamore tree spottings
- Paved walkways
- Midnight bedtime stories and a little boy who wants them
- Stomach sleeping, fuzzy head showing
- Recounting of husband's memories
- Crazy cow in our freezer
- Laughing babies
- Smiles which consume an entire chubby face
- Obedience in yard boundaries

Thanking God for...

2011-01-31T12:43:00.000-08:00

{Gifts 67-88}

- The ability and desire to read & an ever-growing book list
- Hard conversations with a courageous husband (mine!)
- Hot showers and a clean body
- In-laws whom I trust to care for my children
- Screams of "Poppa!!!", jumping, and running feet when my father-in-law arrives
- "Potty! Pottttyyy! Paaahhhhttttyyyy!"
- Quiet
- A baby sleeping on my chest, all of her fitting there except the chunky legs
- The suck-suck and the drip-drip of skin-to-skin nourishment
- Walking into sunset - blue, white, pink, orange, red: all God-colors
- A book full of stories, the best stories, to tell {Currently - Joseph}
- A wonderful double stroller and an Ergo
- The ability to travel and walk with all three
- Skyping with Mombo
- Cats prancing through the yard, exploring
- Nursing us both to sweet sleep
- Unclogged toilets
- Hot baths
- Good books - bringing tears, rebuke, and hope
- Smiling, well-rested boy face, joyfully telling Haven that soon we'll go see Bella!
- Hunger
- A wagon ride for Haven, initiated by Elijah

The Days after Christmas (#3)

2011-01-29T10:32:00.000-08:00

Playing with Elijah's new toy: a bow, arrow, quiver, AND blow gun!Haven just likes to dance around with dishes or dolls.The quiver!Fireworks to welcome in the New Year!Haven was the bravest child; she wanted to run out there and help Eric!I *think* this was Abbie's first firework display.We had such a fun time at Grammie & Grampa's house! Fun times, lots of baby holding, great games, and many sleepy eyes~:-)

A Graves Family Christmas

2011-01-25T10:13:00.000-08:00

There are FIVE cousins now!!! Sweet Abbie joined us just in time for Christmas. Hers is not my story to tell, but it is certainly a story worth telling. Suffice it to say that the timing and mode of her delivery were precisely orchestrated by a very good God. {And her jaundice issues - seen in the picture below - cleared up right on time due to some excellent Mommy-care.} First Christmas at Grammie's...and totally relaxed.

Elijah shows off his favorite gift of the day.

Wiped out.

Haven, sporting all her new bling.
It was so fun to all be together! Abbie made this Christmas extra, extra wonderful!

Thanking God for...

2011-01-24T12:36:00.000-08:00

{Gifts 51-66}

- Her fuzzy head
- How the arms still fold themselves under her chest when I hold her
- The neck which, when tilted just so, smells a bit like soured milk
- Slobbber on the shoulders of every shirt, every day
- Being called "Momma!" (over and over, all.day.long)
- Practicing blowing out birthday candles on our Elijah-baked cake
- Grace from friends (continually) over scheduling conflicts
- Treats, particularly of the chocolate variety
- Balls of wiggly energy x 3
- Haven's constant reminders of why it is better to have a gently & quiet spirit
- Her snorty, quiet laugh
- Flexibility (perhaps due to a constant stream of relaxin?)
- Sweat and a pounding heart
- Time with Eric and his generosity with the children at and after the "greatest show on earth"
- Hugs from Haven ("Uuuuuugh!" right on my thighs)
- Pee-pee in the POTTY!

Edventure Children's Museum

2011-01-24T07:07:00.000-08:00

Mombo & PawPaw took us all to Edventure! It was, as always, really fun. Elijah liked the Lego room this year, which he could not have cared less about last time we went. It is so exciting to see his interests expanding and changing. This trip was even more fun because PawPaw (hater of all germy, communal things) accompanied us. Way to step out of your comfort zone, Dad! Haven must have thought this was real food!Elijah and this S.W.A.T. hat were inseparable those first few days after he got it.He's tall enough to collect the eggs now!Lego Room - absolutely amazing!Bella Boo was a fun playmate, although I think we lost her at least twice. Ooops.Still BFFs. (Right Bella?)Miles showed us his favorite new activity - rolling over - while they played in the baby area.Polly Jane practiced holding up her head to watch the amazing Miles.
Look at these sweet babies!Elijah made a mask...and a machete. (Good one, honey.)We ended this day excursion with pizza from my favorite South Carolina eatery, Chicago Uno's. Although not my very favorite pizza place, I really like to squeeze in a trip there every time I am home. We really missed having Joe around all day. He contemplated Skyping in for another game of Charades that night.

Unlicensed & Unregulated: Abortion Clinics

2011-01-21T12:34:00.000-08:00

"We have more regulations for women's hair salons than we do for abortion clinics." ~ District Attorney Seth Williams

Lest you think this is something that could only happen in Philadelphia, our local abortion clinic is also unlicensed and unregulated.

Perhaps you will consider attending a Rally for Life in your area this weekend?

The Day After Christmas

2011-01-18T19:25:00.001-08:00

The two most wonderful Pollys in the whole world! How thankful I am that my children can be held, seen, and loved by their great-grandparents!Jolly Jane~:-) Super Aunt Ab!The monster train set Eric & Joe pieced together. I'm pretty sure Eric had more fun than Elijah working on this.
What?!?! Snow in South Carolina? Snow bunny! Snowballs! Ummm...I don't actually remember this, but I'm sure we used this as an opportunity to impart some sort of wisdom to Elijah. (Eric?)Our snowman family. Can you see Polly Jane? And can you see our coordinating Christmas bows?Fox News with PawPaw. Intriguing. The best baby!This was a fun day with a surprise snowfall. I can count on two hands the amount of times we had real snow in South Carolina during my youth. This was probably the most I can remember having. Plus, it was the perfect consistency for making snowmen and snowballs. We had a great time with it!

Thanking God for...

2011-01-17T13:38:00.000-08:00

{Gifts 35-50}

- Children who hover & the patience it forces me to have
- Witnessing the ordination of a dear friend's husband & being close enough to see her radiate with joy
- Jenelle's wonderful visit
- Watching Jenelle love my children in all their babbling, high-maintenance glory
- Hours in the car enjoying (guiltlessly!) the pleasure of a long, long talk
- Inspiration (to play, to love, to sit, to create beauty) from watching others
- A new coffee pot & lots of cream
- Eric surprising me with the idea of an at-home coffee date
- A free coffee due to another's impatience
- Hearing pregnancy news; the joy in expecting to see another baby
- Staying until closing because we have so much to say
- Familiarity with these Scripture passages & the joy brought from reading them again
- Haven: "Gawawawawd. Tank You!"
Elijah: "And thank You for the Christ...." {He listens!}
- A tiny church booming with "Praise God from whom all blessings flow!"
- Knowing a God who gives blessings! "For You have dealt bountifully with me!" (Ps 13:6)
- A husband who is happy to let me have a good time

A Hamilton Family Christmas

2011-01-13T11:43:00.001-08:00

Fun, fun, fun times. We were able to spend Christmas 2010 with Mom & Dad, MawMaw & PawPaw, Uncle Dwight, Joe & Ab, Bella & Miles. Polly Jane was a little overwhelmed.All my favorite people: Haven, sporting some of her new *bling.* She was super into the stick-on princess earrings Bella shared with her. Oh my. Bella immediately started taking care of her new baby. Haven's favorite present was a pretend make-up bag. Here I am trying to show her how to apply lipstick. It was a little awkward for me, since I don't actually know how to do it myself. Thankfully, Mombo took over the makeup lessons. (Love that necklace Mom!) My new baby! Bella, still caring for her new baby: MawMaw - delighted to watch the children open their presents: They all liked to help each other~:-) Our current teaching topic: "Is that Food? Then DON'T PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH!" Dad, trying out the new shoulder massage device:PawPaw, with his favorite present:
When I was small, MawMaw got me a keyboard. She wanted the tradition to continue with Haven. Boy has this toy been a hit! Elijah, constantly adding to his outfit: You can never have too many men on a couch...especially when watching Davy Crockett.It was a Merry Christmas!

The Best Part of Christmas Day

2011-01-13T11:31:00.000-08:00

MawMaw was tucked in bed fairly early that evening; after waking up at 3 AM to travel to SC to see all of us, she was a bit worn out. Haven & Bella were not about to tolerate an early bedtime. They both climbed up into bed with MawMaw. There we all had a rousing game of "Night-Night! Wake up!" {repeat x 100} Haven loved it. Bella loved it. MawMaw loved it. I am so, so happy that my daughter gets to play with her great-grandmother! What a blessing!

Out of the Mouth of Babes

2011-01-13T11:29:00.000-08:00

Lydia: "Elijah, do you know what? You are my favorite boy in the whole world! I LOVE YOU!"

Elijah: "Know what?"
Lydia: "What?"
Elijah: "I love you in the whole, whole world!"
Lydia: "You do? I'm so glad!"
Elijah: "The whole world is a candy cane."

Thanking God for...

2011-01-10T13:30:00.000-08:00

{Gifts 15-34}
- Hair loss because it means my hormones are trying to get back to normal and, more importantly, it means that God gave me a baby
- Encouragement from my pastor to read through the Bible this year
- Honest telling of struggles
- Grace to do better the next minute; hope for change
- God's gracious, ever-ready, open embrace
- Grace to rise early
- Real friends (Jenelle!) who want to visit
- A satiated belly full of wholesome foods
- Having Elijah, the spit-up King, so I don't judge others with spit-up babies or feel the need to counsel them
- Not presently having a spit-up baby
- Friends who come over at the last minute (Charlotte!)
- Opportunities to practice sharing
- The smell of hazelnut creme coffee, used to stuff my stocking, brewing on a worn-out day
- Laughter from inside a tent
- Friends with whom to exercise (Laura! Ronda!)
- The truest of friends, Abigail, and celebrating another year of her life
- Bananagrams, pizza, & chocolate surrounded by talk, screams, cooing, and laughter (Elysia! Bobby! Rowan! Maria! Casey! Jonah! Eliana!)
- Jonah's absolutely wonderful behavior & his kindness to my little boy
- Snow, a sled, a tube, and watching a boy turn brave
- A life filled with these beautiful people...all made in the image of a beautiful God

Playing

2011-01-10T13:22:00.000-08:00

What's for Lunch?

2011-01-10T13:15:00.000-08:00

Why, your gingerbread house, of course.Our afternoon snack? Stovetop hot chocolate, the Advent activity of the day. This stuff was so delicious. I cannot wait to make it again!

Family Christmas

2011-01-10T06:56:00.000-08:00

Haven was ready to go Christmas morning. She has been giving this look a lot lately. Elijah is at that awkward learning-how-to-smile stage. First Christmas for sweet Polly Jane!One of Elijah's gifts for Haven - a microphone (as if she needs any amplification!): The theme for our gifts this year was dress-up. Now we are well-stocked for imaginitive play. Eric won this monkey at his work Christmas party the day before. The kids were so excited about all the lollipops! Eric's gift: The Pacific!
My gifts were two hibiscus plants and some promised, child-free reading time. I wouldn't have high hopes of that happening if my gift hadn't come from "Eric, the man who makes all your dreams come true." A little ballerina playing with a gun... ...and a baby. This was such a fun, fun day. We putzed around the house the rest of the day; Eric & Elijah did some work outside. It was super relaxed and, thus, super fun!

Birthday!

2011-01-07T08:50:00.001-08:00

This, my 29th birthday, was filled with all sorts of fun. Eric took me to Mafiaoza's, my favorite pizza place, and then to Andrew Peterson's Behold the Lamb concert. Polly Jane slept through the entire meal, allowing me to eat hot food! It was treat. She didn't sleep through the concert. As I held her and paced in the back of the Ryman, I embraced the attitude "I'm so thankful to have a baby to keep quiet right now." Who knows when my cares will no longer be "Is my baby going to cry in public?!?!" The concert, as always, was absolutely fabulous - a good addition to our attempt at celebrating Advent this year.

My birthday morning I rushed off to get the kids and arrived to a huge plate of my mother-in-law's famous Mississippi Mud. Yum! That was my favorite treat of the day. We sped along to our friend's house for a little "Happy Birthday Jesus" party. I was in charge of the craft; it left much to be desired. Haven enjoyed it though, because she was able to eat a ton of gumdrops. Alexis even sang me a solo version of Happy Birthday - pum, pum, pum.

That night we ate some delicious leftovers plus cupcakes from my favorite cupcake store, Cupcake Collection. Eric had pre-ordered to make sure I got all my favorite flavors. (What a kind husband!) Oh! My present? A peach tree, already planted and re-planted. (Cows can knock them over, you know, so don't plant it in your pasture.)

That night we began our family Christmas celebration. Our immediate family Christmas is my favorite time of the season, I believe. It's just us with just our very few presents. We eat sausage balls and sticky buns. We take forever opening things. We play. We go outside. We eat more sausage balls. It's great.

Eric built a fire and made a huge bed for all of us on the floor. We watched the beginning of Elijah's new movie, Davy Crockett.

Elijah and Eric were the only ones who lasted all night. Haven was beside herself with excitement and could NOT go to sleep. She was just so happy to be sleeping in between us. She wanted to point out all Eric's body parts ("Eyes!!! Eyes!!!! Night-night eyes!!!! Elbow!!!! Elbow!!!! Neck!!! Neck!!!! etc.) I could not stop laughing at her. She was happily put in her crib soon after that. Good thing the boys are tough or all that blanket folding would have gone to waste:)

One Thousand Gifts - A Beginning

2011-01-03T05:24:00.000-08:00

My very favorite blogger, Ann Voskamp, started a list one day, a list of things for which she could thank God. It has changed her life. Now I am hoping it will change mine too. My brown journal sits open, begging me to fill it with a record of good gifts from my good God. Copying Ann, I'm on my way to thanking God for One Thousand Gifts.

Thanking God for (gifts 1 - 14):
~ A God to Whom I can give thanks
~ 2010, a year in which God turned hardships into amazing blessings
~ Hope! God makes all things new, even me! Perhaps this will be a year where harsh words cease to fly from my tongue?
~ Squishy cheeks on all my children
~ The joy of holding Polly Jane
~ Polly Jane's especially squishy cheeks
~ A hand-me-down couch wide enough for two of us
~ Bags and boxes and arms full of new books
~ A hundred answered prayers in the birth of my new niece
~ Being reminded that God cares about even the little things, and that He hears the prayers of His people
~ A husband who is willing to help me in all kinds of ways
~ A never-ending To Do list
~ Quiet moments...and their scarcity
~ The sermon yesterday "Fight your sin of __. And when you wonder if God could ever love someone who ___, read Judges. They sin again and again and again, YET God loves them!"

Lydia: {tucking Elijah in bed, covering him with kisses}
Elijah: "You're breath smells weird. I think you need to take a bath."

Elijah: "Haven, you're really stressing out...everytime I come near your babies, you're really stressing out."

Out of the Mouth of Babes

2010-11-17T17:52:00.000-08:00

Me: {handing a tissue to Elijah} "Do you need to blow your nose?"
Elijah: {shaking his head} "No. I just have some crust in my nose."

Responding to Sin

2010-11-15T11:56:00.001-08:00

Today, for the first time, I locked myself in the bathroom so I could take a quick shower. Elijah is 3 1/2 now, and - well, that probably means we should develop some rules of privacy at our house. With only one bathroom that can be tricky, but I thought I would try the locking technique and see how it went. The baby was safely tucked away; Elijah and Haven were playing independently.

I heard screaming. Not the "I want a snack and you won't give me one" scream. Not the "Elijah grabbed that toy from me" scream. A different scream. An "I'm really hurting scream." I yelled for Elijah, intending to tell him to go help Haven. Perhaps she was stuck under the chair or a book had fallen on her. Elijah didn't answer. I yelled for him louder. No answer. No noise at all from Elijah. Haven's scream continued but moved to another room. I was scared.

I grabbed a towel and ran out to find Haven. She was laying down on the living room floor. Elijah was pounding on her back as if it were a drum. Over and over. I yelled - at him. "What are you doing to your sister?!?!?" I grabbed him and threw him on his bed. I grabbed Haven to comfort her. She perked right back up, resilient little thing.

After getting dressed I had Elijah tell me what happened. "I hit Haven over and over again." "What else did you do to Haven?" "I pulled her hair over and over again." I cried. I have never cried over my children's sin. I was so sad - sad because of the wickedness in Elijah's heart. Sad because he was capable of being so mean. Sad because he would be so mean to his sister. I felt desperate. Desperate to know how to help this little boy I love so much. How can I explain to him how wicked that was? How do I tell him, in words that will pierce his hard heart, that God hates those who oppress the weak? How do I show this boy his need of a Savior?

I wonder that I have never cried over Elijah's sins before. Why do they often only stir up irritation or inconvenience rather than grief? I wonder that I do not cry over my sins. And I thank God for this brief glimpse of seeing sin as it really is - wicked, terrible, an offense to a great God.

I am freshly reminded of my need for supernatural wisdom - Biblical wisdom - in raising these children. This afternoon I read I Peter 5. How thankful I am that I can cast all my anxieties on Him (because He cares for me!). So, I cast Elijah's little heart again at the feet of Christ and plead with Him to change it...and to give me gracious guidance in responding to his sins.

Recent Verbage

2010-10-28T07:49:00.001-07:00

Bella, crying: "I need a bow!"

Elijah: "Miles, why are you still crying? I just sang you a song."

Elijah: "If I saw a big, big spider, I could just kill him with my big, big muscles."

Lydia: "Oh, Elijah! Did you just hit Polly Jane's head?"
Elijah: {pause. looks confused.} "Oh, Mom, I just did it by purpose."
Lydia: "You mean, 'It was an accident'?"
Elijah: "Yeah. That's what I mean. You were confused."

Lydia: "Elijah, in what are we riding to go to town? Are we in a bobsled like Almanzo or a wagon like Pa?"
Elijah: "Ummm. We are in the Civil War, and we are driving in a chariot. Yep."

Elijah: "Haven, if you trust me tomorrow, I'll give you more prizes."

Haven: "OORRREE ANDY!!!" ("more candy!") "And?!?!" {holds out her hand with a charming look on her face}

Plugged...or...Why Eric Wins the "Best Husband" Award

2010-10-21T14:12:00.001-07:00

With a few details left out, yesterday went a little like this.

Lydia: wakes up, wonders what happened last night and how many times she fed the baby, unable to raise arm, gets children breakfast, sits around praying God will give wisdom on what to do, has hard time moving, wonders what her problem is, begins to have a full body ache, confirms suspected plugged duct diagnosis, watches kids ransack the living room, watches kids jump on the couch, doesn't care, gets kids lunch, feels nauseous, puts kids down for a nap, starts witch doctor regimen*, lays down with Polly Jane, listens to Polly Jane cry, gets headache, finds it hard to move, gets Haven up early from her nap after Haven uncharacteristically wakes up crying, unsuccessfully attempts to resume nap with Haven, snaps at children, watches an hour of Disney cartoons (Elijah is thrilled), wishes husband would come home, attempts to discipline Haven, wishes husband would come home, snaps at children, feeds children dinner without vomiting, sits on couch holding a crying Polly Jane, says "I can't move. All the kids need a bath." as soon as husband walks in the door, lays in bed crying and sweating for the next three hours, wishes she could care for either her home/husband/or children, awakens to the delivery of cabbage leaves at 10 pm.

Eric: up at 4:30 AM to exercise, slaves away at work all day amidst many demands, arrives home to disaster-strewn house and distraught wife, eats dinner in four minutes, puts cats up for the night, bathes all three kids, brushes children's teeth, reads fun books to Elijah and Haven, tucks children in bed, loads dishes, picks up strewn toys, replaces couch cushions, cleans the entire house, vacuums all the floors, starts washing the cloth diapers, prays for me, runs to the grocery store, delivers cabbage leaves at 10 pm.

While these are sweet, sweet days they are also very hard days. Thankfully, these difficulties continue to drive me to the One who can provide grace to help in my time of need. Yesterday I repeatedly pleaded with God to "Give the strength to sustain me and wisdom enough to guide my hand" in between apologizing to my children. God is gracious, and today I am feeling much, much better. As in, I can move. I can eat. I even ran an errand! Isn't it amazing what 24 hours can hold? Today I read this post from my favorite blogger, cried, and was encouraged. So, today, I'll continue to seek to be thankful - for everything.

*Witch Doctor Regimen (highly recommended!) for Plugged Ducts:
- 1000 mg Vitamin C
- 2 tablets of Echinacea
- 2 capsules of odorless garlic
Take all three supplements twice a day until resolved. This has always cleared up my plugged ducts within 24 hours. Regimen courtesy of Susie Meeks, CPM.

Rock-a-Bye

2010-10-13T20:12:00.000-07:00

Rock-a-Bye Elijah
Upstairs in our house.
When the wind blows
Your crib won't crash.
When the thunder cracks
You can just relax
'Cause our little Tooskie
Is loved to the max.

Rock-a-Bye Haven
Right where you were born.
In this cabin
Safe from the storm.
You've brought lots
Of great big pink bows,
And we love you...
Right down to your toes.

Rock-a-Bye Polly
Here in our room.
You're a treat
That came none to soon.
We're so glad
God brought you our way;
And we're thankful
You're here to stay.

{Please excuse my attempt at poetry, but - to us - these little rhymes represent lots of rocking, crying, sleeplessness, and love.}

These Days

2010-10-08T09:12:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, September 28th - Birth Day
- We get up at 3:30 AM. I had been awake all.night.long.
- God moves a baby.
- A fairly large and completely wonderful little girl is born.

- "Well, we're going to have to take the baby to the nursery downstairs. By the time you are moved to a postpartum room, she should be ready to come back and see you." (It didn't happen.)
- Daddy is happy. - Momma is happy. - Elijah is excited. Haven does not like being smooshed on her chair but is, otherwise, out-of-control with squealing and excitement. - The new family of five:

Wednesday, September 29th - Day One
- Polly Jane gets dressed in the same going-home outfit Elijah Millard wore...only the socks are too small for her!- Eric (who loves to NOT make a stir) says "Can we just walk out of here?" -After much ado, we left the hospital! - Susie weighs Polly Jane who has dropped to a scant 8 pounds, 6 ounces. - Grampa, who had helped at the hospital the entire day before, finally gets to hold Polly Jane.
Thursday, September 30th - Day Two
- Haven goes pee-pee on the potty - Haven calls Polly Jane "Row-Row" and thinks we stole our friend's baby.
- Haven squeals with delight upon seeing/touching/hearing Polly Jane. - Elijah says, "When you get bigger, Polly Jane, I'll teach you tricks." - First bath at home which pleased no one except Momma.
Friday, October 1st - Day Three
- Haven goes poo-poo on the potty and gets entirely freaked out.
- Polly Jane continues to eat every two hours...or less!
- Eric & Grampa finish cutting and hauling a huge tree to our house. Eric arrives home with several injuries. "Oh. This is where part of the wedge split off and flew into my arm."

Saturday, October 2nd - Day Four
- Eric begins to feel the effects of what we came to call a "virus."
Sunday, October 3rd - Day Five
- Polly Jane does a photo shoot. Ready:Posing:Irritated:Exhausted:- I hoist myself into our "tractor" to take a ride with the kids. That's the kind of Mom I am.

Monday, October 4th - Day Six
- PawPaw comes to visit.- Mom continues to be the World's Best Helper!- Pediatrician visit with the girls. (It's really fun to say "the girls!")- Polly Jane surpasses her birth weight by 7 ounces. (9#2!!) Eric is surprised. I am hungry.
- Elijah learns to draw a face.- Eric gets a tetanus shot.

Tuesday, October 5th - One week old
- Polly Jane gets goopy eye (yuck!) and stops eating.- We flip the mattresses, change the sheets, and put our winter comforter on the bed.
- Eric doctors his wounds and gives us frequent updates on his condition.
Wednesday, October 6th - Day Eight
- Polly Jane has a poop explosion through two layers of her clothing, three layers of my clothing, a duvet cover, down comforter, blanket, sheets, and mattress pad.
- I remove poop clothing and put on my robe.
- Friends come over.
- Cow comes frolicking towards four small children. I run outside.
- Strange woman comes walking up the driveway.
- Strange woman wants to know if all these children are mine. Strange woman wants to see my baby. Neighbor has much entertainment while mowing the grass. I wish that the neighbor would come give me a hand.
- We go to Costco. - We go to sleep on blankets.

Thursday, October 7th - Day Nine
- I realize that I'm not *quite* as recovered as I was pretending to be.
- We do 100 loads of laundry.
- Baby Mason meets Polly Jane. - Mombo shows herself to be Super Mom - watching the four older kids while letting Charlotte and I chat for an hour!
- Eric exclaims "Those blankets have poop on them too?!?!" Eric sleeps without his usual extra blanket.
- I go to bed early.
- Polly Jane stays awake and upset (unless I'm holding her) until 1:00 AM. I stay up late.

Friday, October 8th - Day Ten
- We do 100 more loads of laundry.
- Polly Jane makes great eye contact with me and does a real smile. I don't mind being up late anymore.
- Haven and Mombo head outside. Haven turns around, waves, and says clearly "BYE-BYE! Love you!" with her cheerful little voice. I love being a Mom.
- Polly Jane tips the scales at 9 lbs, 9 oz. Eric is proud. I am hungry.
- Polly Jane resumes her "I like to eat every 2 - 2.5 hours" feeding schedule.
These are the days we are living, and oh! they are sweet, sweet days!

Baby!

2010-09-28T19:25:00.001-07:00

Thanking God for:

- Loving to give good gifts to His children
- LOTS of extra fluid which allowed our baby to flip after 40 weeks
- LOTS of extra fluid which kept a scrawny umbilical cord floating and safe
- An awesome physician who agreed to deliver our breech baby (!!!!)
- An awesome physician who agreed to attempt a version on a post-dates woman (!!!!)
- A God who can turn the hearts of Kings...and physicians
- A vertex presentation after a night of contractions
- A delivery that did not turn out to be a c-section
- The blessing of children
- Another GIRL (!!!!)
- Sweet Polly Jane, all 8 lbs and 11 ounces of her!

Where's My Baby?

2010-09-26T12:55:00.001-07:00

Today I am 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I have an overabundance of amniotic fluid (as in, more than 33% extra). And, I have a breech baby - a complete breech. (That means my baby is sitting Indian-style in my belly instead of being head down.) For liability reasons, very few obstetricians will deliver a breech baby.

So...our options at this point:
1. The baby will spontaneously flip and we'll continue with our planned homebirth.
2. I'll locate an obstetrician who will agree to attempt a version on my overdue (but fluid-filled!) self.
3. If the version is successful, I'll jump right into an induction. No reason to risk the baby turning breech again.
4. The version will not be successful or I'll go into labor before one can be attempted and have a c-section.

This pregnancy has been full of surprising challenges from the very beginning. This latest turn of events seems to fit right into the mental chaos I have been battling the last nine months. I am ready to look back on 2010 and *see* all the things God has been working for my good. For now, I'll seek to see God's good hand in this moment.

We are so very thankful to have been able to carry this baby to full term, to have recognized the breech position prior to labor beginning, and to have a healthy (as far as we know) baby who still has enough room to swim! God has been gracious throughout the pregnancy - especially in this last month - to remind me of truth and to provide peace when I allow anxiety to consume me. So, right now I am feeling very thankful to still feel baby movements and to still be pregnant. We are praying for a healthy baby and, secondarily, a vaginal delivery. Hopefully I will have happy news to post in just a few short days. Today I will continue to rejoice at my large blessing, remind myself of truth (God is good; God is in control; Children are a blessing...), and hope my water doesn't break in public~:-) Because, if it does folks, you better hope you are sporting your galoshes!

Visiting Daddy

2010-09-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

*I'm not sure how there are NO PICTURES of this, but Eric and I went ziplining on Saturday, 4.17.2010. It was great and surprisingly scary! I was just happy my expanding belly fit nicely into the harness...without any noticing I was 17 weeks along! Just imagine lots of shrieking from me and lots of Superman-like movements from Eric.*

And then Monday came... 4.19.2010

The Monkey's Treehouse

2010-09-22T11:03:00.000-07:00

We spent the morning running errands with Flat Stanley. Look how big my little Haven is getting!After naptime we headed to The Monkey's Treehouse in Bellevue to celebrate our friend Lily's third birthday. This place was so much fun! I was a little overwhelmed with trying to feed two kiddos myself and then keep track of them playing, but I really enjoyed watching them explore the huge playplace. Elijah - never very adventurous at first - didn't really appreciate the treehouse. He did, however, LOVE the digging area. This, of course, because he is a pro at using a wheelbarrow (Thanks, Mombo!)!

Haven - always adventurous - had a great time exploring the area for little ones. She did her fair share of playing in the big kid's area as well!
Happy Birthday Lily! Thanks for having us to your fun party!
4.16.2010